The new curriculum that we are learning is still a work in progress. We are constantly confused and chronically uninformed on where to be and when. The night before a lab I realize that I have several instructional videos to watch. I have shown up to class in scrubs with no lab or last minute borrowed rubber muck boots to work in the livestock wing. No one was sure what would be on the exam until roughly 48 hours before it happened. It's not that the program is disorganized, rather, it just works on a need to know basis. You don't need to know until you really need to know. And if you don't know you'd better ask somebody. Me, personally, I think this is all by design. I think they purposefully and skillfully withhold information from us. They know us vet students are planners. We need to know all the info and scheme to be our best selves for a given activity. Here we are forced to be slightly unprepared, slightly uncomfortable, vulnerable, and flexible. We simply must ask our peers questions and consult facebook for consensus on burning questions. We must learn to function in the face of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. Speaking of fear and anxiety...we had a full hour lecture on the alarming prevalence of depression in vet students. Ironically this lecture preceded the hour long discussion that focused on the obscene debt we were taking on and the modest salaries we could expect. What's that? you're not depressed? Well have you calculated how much you'll be paying in interest on your loans? No wonder an easy 60% of us report being depressed or suicidal. Bummed as we all were following those lectures, there was no time to dwell. There's a vet student basketball game at 4, a bbq on campus at 5, a house party at 7. Besides we're here now, no point in dwelling on the imperfections of the profession. I guess if I had to explain what this first few weeks as been like I would use an analogy. Picture yourself working tirelessly in your bathroom mirror to perfectly primp your hair for the biggest dance of your middle school career. You are only so-so on your outfit, you're nervous your going to sweat through your shirt, and you sprayed too much perfume. You get to the dance and you don't see you friends. People are there its just people you only sort of know. Maybe you make awkward small talk with the girl who sits in front of you in English, maybe you fidget in the corner silently. Your crew eventually gets there and the lights go out and the music begins to play. Much to your horror the DJ has dealt a fatal blow to your night. It's a medium paced song. I can slow dance to a slow jam and rock in a somewhat rhythmic motion to a fast song. But what the hell do I do to this song? Panicked you look around and see that others are trying desperately to find the groove. Some are doing well, others look like babies taking their first step. Options include quickly walking out of the dance or risk looking like your inventing a dance that looks like speed tai chi. You've already sweat through your shirt so screw it. You bounce around like an idiot and surprisingly your awkward dance circle digs it. For 3 minutes and 43 seconds you forget how the song began and you forget to worry about if your shirt is cool. Ah, yes this is being in the moment.This is the secret and the key to this dance living up to your wildest day dreams. You are at the dance you might as well try to enjoy yourself. Just when you start to iron out the dance move the song changes. "Pour some sugar on me", Def Leppard. F-it just start running in quasi-slow motion while pumping your fist and hope that they play your song later.
